she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
