I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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