Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
