some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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