I wanna passion pit in your ass
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
