out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
