Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize