I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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