The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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