I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
