The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
