i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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