we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
