when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
