I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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