She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize