Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
