How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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