brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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