She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
