My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
