finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
