were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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