I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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