I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Randomize
