He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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