Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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