I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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