You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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