At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
