We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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