If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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