I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
