The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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