i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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