I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
