we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
