Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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