I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
