First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize