You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And then he peed in my hair
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