Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
