So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
