I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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