I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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