i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
