He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
