If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
