So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
