Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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