I'm so fucking centered right now
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
