I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
