im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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