Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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