Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
