Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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