Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize