she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Houston, we have a squirter
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
