How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
3 2 1 whiskey
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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