smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
