Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
