I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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