I want to make a zoo with you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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