I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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