I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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