You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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