Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize