I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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