it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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