this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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