im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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