"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
