Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize