What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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