If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
