I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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