While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
